Sunday, June 7, 2009

Endorsement of the Week: Free WiFi @ Starbucks

Caffeine, the most widely used drug on the planet, has its hands around our necks.  This is why there are so many places to buy it.  Of course, you could make your own coffee, cheaper, at home.  However, the social implications of coffee are much wider than simply consuming the drink.  Drinking black instant coffee alone in the dark is for sleep deprived medicine and surgery residents on call.  So let's just assume you embrace the financial premium of "premium coffee." 

Enter Starbucks.  As I sit here, I stare around and see the same regulars I always see.  There is guy who talks to himself pretending to be on a cell phone.  There is the guy who talks to himself wearing orange noise reduction headset and brings a suitcase of papers and a thermos from WWII filled with god knows what.  Then there is old guy with a briefcase from 1960.  
    Then there is me, getting free wireless guy.
    It could be you too.

In case you are always the last to know, just like me, you can get ATT WiFi for free at almost any starbucks.

Instructions
1.Getting a gift card at starbucks for like 10 bucks
2. Use it to buy a grande non-fat iced coffee with milk
3. Register it at THIS LINK TO FREE WIFI






Free wifi is a scam designed to get library-phobic freeloading college students and other social miscreants to come to your establishment, buy something to drink, and make it look like you have a busy worthwhile business filled with customers.  It used to be that only kitchsy places like Muddy's (for anti-establishment types) and Roasterie (for established types) gave out free wifi, but the connection kind of sucked.  Of course, there has been wifi at Starbucks for sometime, but they charged for it!  Then they had to close 600 stores and realized they had to start working for clients again.  When I was in New York for three days, I saved $48 by not purchasing hotel internet access and opting to get my caffeine and email fix at the same place.  I realize that for the fat cats with iPhones, this service does not have the same value but I didn't really know what else to endorse this week. 

Saturday, June 6, 2009

How to get a free iPhone, iPod, Nintendo Wii, or $300 cash back!

Just kidding.  But what if I could save you $300 dollars.  With an extra $300 dollars maybe you could shore up your budget, spend it on rent, food, clothes, AIG stock, whatever.  The point is, I know that during the interview season this year, I made a lot of poor decisions because of ignorance.  Given a second chance there are many things that I could have done that would have saved me enough money to buy an iPhone, iPod, and a Wii.  So, here are my tips on how to save money during residency interviews, although they can be applied to many types of trips.

1.  Priceline, Priceline, Priceline
This website saved me 50% on almost all of the hotel reservations I made through them.  That means I spent 100% more than I needed to on every reservation I made without them. The best deals come through naming your own price.  The key is to start low and aim for places with greater than 2.5 stars to ensure you aren't sleeping in a crack den.  Amazingly, the Holiday Inn Express is 2.5 stars, yet they were the cleanest, nicest, and most comfortable rooms I stayed in. 

2.  Choose one or two airlines and stick to them.  I prefer Southwest.
Brand loyalty is rewarded in the airline industry and although NWA and Delta are merging their frequent flier programs, you can't always be guaranteed your miles will live long enough to be redeemed.  Southwest is stable though, and after only 8 round trips you earn a reward.  I was able to use one of my awards to buy a last minute $400 ticket to New York 36 hours before take-off for free.  Don't waste it on a sweet $89 one-way deal.  Also there will be times Southwest is much more expensive or does not fly to your location (e.g. Atlanta).  Other things to consider, Southwest has more leg room, does not charge to check bags, and is much more generous about rebooking.  I once slept through a 7am flight and they had me on the 9:30am for no charge.  Meanwhile, United wanted to charge me $50 to shorten one of my layovers by taking an earlier flight that was virtually empty. 

3.  Don't Rent A Car
Rental cars are scams.  The only way I would do it is if you could drive it from one location to another in less than a day and save over $200 in airfare.  Even in a big city, if you have to pay a premium on a hotel room to be near the interview, you can take a cab or walk, trust me.  The cost of an airport shuttle and a couple cap rides might come out to the price of one day of car rental, and thats only if you get a great deal on the rental.  If you must rent though, never pay the under 25 fee, you can get out of it by using a corporate ID AMSA with National or Alamo.  Just use google if you have to find out what perks you can get from AAA or your professional organizations.  Also, there are some lottery car rentals where you can get the car for 10 bucks a day but you risk getting a 1997 Dodge Caravan.

4.  Make friends with your fellow interviewees during the sub-internship season
You can get another 50% discount on hotel rooms if you split the room with a trusted friend you've established rapport with during your rotations.  Even see if you can coordinate when your friends applying for other specialties will be at interviews as well.  My roommate applying for Ortho and I stayed at a Holiday Inn in Tampa that wound up costing us $15 a piece. 

5.  Don't buy internet access from your hotel
It's embarassing what a rip hotel internet can be.  Decent places will have free wireless.  In NYC, forget about it.  I know you want your A boarding pass but its not worth it.  There are a lot of places that wanted to charge me 17.95 for noon-noon access to an ethernet cable.  It makes the iPhone look cheap.  Screw that, get a starbucks gift card, sign up for the free att-wifi using the code on the back to get free wireless at any Starbucks that displays the ATT decal in the window.  I guarantee you can find a Starbucks walking distance from either your hotel or interview location.  If you can't, consider whether you really want to live in such a place.

The biggest money mistakes I made during interviews came from being ignorant of those five tips.  As long as you don't strut into a South Beach night club with lots of cash in your blazer that is mysteriously spent by the next morning you will be in good shape.  You will feel some pinch, but these tips aren't nearly as extreme as those who advocate bartering on Craigslist or using Couch Surfer to find places to stay.    

If you save $300 bucks, put it towards your loans or buy yourself or me, a Wii. 

Friday, June 5, 2009

If You Are Having A Bad Day, This Should Make You Feel Better

My dad always says we live in a third world country.  That the people here are ridiculous.  That too many slugs are living off the taxpayer teat.  There may be grains of truth in all that.  Now the next time he tells me how horrible this place is and how ineffectual his primary care physician might be.  I can fire back with this.

Traditional healers in Zimbabwe have been perpetuating a myth that AIDS can be cured by having sex with a virgin.  Logically, men with AIDS began having sex with virgins.  Talk about standing on the shoulders of giants, I'm only a week out of medical school, but I bet my 10 year old sister could tell you that that is the most bogus thing imaginable.  This goes even above and beyond the stupidity and danger of the conspiracy theorists who think that HIV was designed by the government to eradicate blacks and homosexuals.  These men are raping children, HELLO, CHRIS HANSEN WHERE ARE YOU.  This isn't isolated either, this is thousands of girls just in Zimbabwe.  This isn't the benign traditional healing of cupping or coin rubbing. 

Put aside what you learned in cultural sensitivity class and wake up.  Even if you think America sucks, at least we don't tolerate that kind of crap.  Oh the dirty water, malaira, famine thing, we don't have to worry about that either.  Even if these healers went to Kansas City Public Schools it would make them more educated.

This is what they teach in KC public schools? No wonder they are failing: a.k.a. What I Won't Miss About Kansas City

1.  If sitting at an intersection punch it off the line making an ambulance going lights and sirens stop just to avoid you.  I almost guarantee you that you have more important places to be. 
2.  Run into crowded traffic with a smile on your face. Also, if j-walking, walk slower when cars are waiting unnecessarily for you to increase carbon emissions.
3.  Be the third or fourth car to run a red arrow at the intersection of 47th and Main.  I hope you also stop on train tracks.
4.  Let everyone at Power and Light see you be escorted out in cuffs by the cops while you are wearing a trucker hat, aviator sunglasses, distressed jeans, and an Ed Hardy Tshirt at 11pm. You could be on TV, specifically,  Tool Academy Season 2.
5.  Ask people for a down payment on a cheeseburger. You don't need to lose weight.
6.  Tell people who don't wear exposed undershirts while wearing a collared shirt and blazer they are underdressed. 
7.  Sync >25% of your iPod with songs sung by former American Idol contestants. 
8.  Ride your bike or motorcycle, without a helmet.  Actually, as of Wednesday, there are 101,972 people on a waiting list for your organs.
9.  Stand up for your principles, Chipotle is the best Mexican restaurant, don't let the damn liberals take it away from you.   
10.  Smoke inside bars, it smells better that way. 


That's all for now, there are other things that people don't control.  Like how all the streets in KC, MO are too narrow for left turn lanes.  Or how the athletes here like to spit in people's faces at bars, but, I'm guessing those people probably legitimately deserved it.  At least I'd rather get spat on then ran over like they do in Miami. 

P.S. Your Jayhawk looks like Woody Woodpecker anyways.  Thanks to Amy for pointing that out. 


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

New York Moments

No time to post.  But I'm typing this at a starbucks in times square, so you know something good will follow.

Event Time
00:02  Use bathroom at La Guardia, guy shake-dry hands off into my face
02:30  Drunk falls straight onto 5th Ave in broad daylight blocking traffic, we are not doctors
04:00  Guy looking at ground walks straight into me while standing on corner
36:00  Woman next to us at dinner sneers about our discussion of High School Musical, "I have no words."
48:00  Upon learning that I am moving to Miami, someone recommends I go to Gordon Biersch when I get there

Some weird things I saw in NYC
That's a freaking panda staring at the ass of a 9 foot tall golden bull

 
 
Don't even know what to say about this
 Hey, another I know another eye surgeon with a similar name

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

If You Want A Guy To Come To Your Place, You Gotta Have Stuff To Eat

Jr. High Principal:  Would you like a smoothie?
Kenny Powers: No, I'm Straight.
             
                        -From HBO's Eastbound and Down

In a continued effort to use reader feedback for quality and direction I bring you, The Guide On How to Stock Your Fridge If You Want A Guy To Come Over To Your Place.  Guys are not dogs, they do not need treats, they need fuel, this is in the form of hearty food. 

Think about it, guys aren't going to come over to eat yogurt. 

1.  Eggs
I read a while back that animal's rights groups were pleading with people to not buy large or extra-large eggs because it is painful for the chickens to lay.  I try not to think of that when I'm frying up an egg.  This is not just breakfast food either, I could pretty much eat a fried egg whenever, and you best have some ready.

Brownie points, if you want to make me an omelette, use Egg-Beaters for Heart's sake.

2.  Beer
 This one is obvious, but it's important not to oversimplify.  An assortment of beers is useful because sometimes you could handle just a budlight if its hot outside and you just got done running or something.  You just need to rehydrate.  Other times, like when eating a salad, you want something like Bud Select or Michelob Ultra that is equally watery.

Brownie points, if you bust out a Blue Moon with an orange wedge.

3.  Cold Cut Roast Beef

Meat usually means steak.  But you'll be a mack if I open your crisper and there is a bag of sliced roast beef that I could take a quick piece out for a protein boost.

Brownie points,  if there is sliced cheese for sandwiches.

4.  Hot Sauce
Unless they are UFC fighters, men need to suffer pain at least little each day to promote adequate testosterone production.  I suggest Siracha, a.k.a  Rooster Sauce, (the red stuff with the green tip), as well as something with red pepper from Louisiana.  Doesn't have to be Tobasco.  This item can be used concurrently with items 1,2, and 3.


5.  Frozen Chicken Nuggets
Any child born after 1980 for certain, save for vegetarians, consumed a considerable amount of chicken McNuggets growing up.  I know I did.  You really don't want his mother to show you up on this one. 

Brownie points,  if you have multiple dipping sauce options. 

6.  BBQ Sauce
I discussed Sweet Baby Ray's in a previous post.  That is great, but you are going to need a regular, a sweet, and a spicy sauce and a vinegar based sauce to satisfy this requirement.  Also, you are going to need more than ketchup for the chicken nuggets.  

7.  Unexpired Milk
I know a lot of girls who don't like milk or are on non-dairy diets or don't eat breakfast.  You gotta have milk.  Not to mince words, but you cannot keep expired milk.  There are few things more disappointing on earth than to pour out a bowl of cereal and discover there is no milk, or worse, curdled milk.  I have seen too many relationships die this way. 

Brownie points, if you have chocolate milk.

8.  Canned Beans
 I thought this one would be self-explanatory but, ladies seem to despise beans.  They are packed with protein and fiber and make the perfect side for virtually any meat. Goes well with number 9.

9.  Hot Dogs
Few moments are as significant as a young man's first trip to the ballpark.  No baseball game is complete without a hotdog, or, if like me, you are from Los Angeles, a "DodgerDog."  Baseball and hotdogs go together like PB&J and since baseball is the American passtime, you better keep them stocked unless you are a terrorist.

Brownie points, all-beef, kosher, and sauerkraut.

10.  Bread  Bread is for chicks, Hummus
Not too many guys think to buy this stuff, but, it is really tasty and probably healthier than the usual dip.  



Sunday, May 17, 2009

An open response to Anonymous commentary

So I was surprised to find that I had 2 comments moderate yesterday.  Both by anonymous strangers.  And apparently one of them by someone familiar with the subject of a previous post.  This represents the first time I have received a critical comment as opposed to the friendly kudos I usually get from my friends.  Funny thing, I was curious about how this happened.  Then I googled "jon marshall hydroxycut" and my blog appears at the end of the first page.  In this post-hydroxycut-recall world, its not so far fetched that someone might punch that in and find McBrandon's Blog For Profit.  I promised to address the comment, so here it is. 

"There seems to be a full blown attack on Dr. Marshall"

I'm not attacking him, I merely implied that you are a sell-out if you use your degree to appear as an authority on something you are not.  I will graduate from medical school in two weeks, and although it would be tempting to take $100,000 from Extenze to claim their product works, I would not feel that I was qualified to sign off on whatever data they present to me since it would be clearly biased.  Oh and, Hydroxycut and Extenze are food in the eyes of the government, so why should I put my reputation on the line for something that does not meet the current standards of medical care.


"What does this mean for the Physicians who wrote Rx's for Celebrex, Lipitor or verbally recommended Tylenol?"


I'm not sure it means anything new.  Adverse drug reactions occur daily, drugs that are found to be more dangerous than helpful are weeded out of the market.  As long as the prescribing physician is acting within the standard of care and monitoring side effects, it is reasonable to expect now and again some patients will be unlucky.  At least, a certain amount of efficacy and safety has to be demonstrated by drugs before they are brought to market.  Although there have been rare reports of Lipitor causing fatal idiosyncratic drug reactions including liver failure in 1/1,000,000 patients.  The number of premature deaths delayed by Lipitor outweighs the minute number of fatal reactions.   This is based on good peer-reviewed data.  The FDA specifically does not evaluate the claims of Hydroxycut to cure or treat any disease.  So if you ask, would I go on TV and endorse Lipitor? Maybe if I was a cardiologist with experience in patients who benefited from the drug.  Would I go on TV and hawk Hydroxycut after reading ten pages of "research" prepared by the manufacture and taking some free samples, no. 

"Are we punishing the prescribing physicians for the pt's inability to read warning labels or understand that if you 'Are' suffering from multiple illness ... that taking any drug non-prescribed (or prescribed) would result in a negative outcome."




No, but there is a significant amount of litigation against pharmaceutical corporations involving previously approved prescription drugs that result in bad outcomes, I'm thinking Vioxx.  If a physician prescribes a drug for a non-approved indication, or uses it in someone who has a contraindication to that drug, they are then vulnerable to the threat of malpractice litigation.  I'll make it clear though, I have never met an actual real life doctor who prescribes drugs as part of their practice, recommend Hydroxycut.

"Is the issue really that Dr. Marshall endorsed a product ... Or is it that he is an attractive physician that intelligently spoke on the data he was provided?"

You don't need to go to medical school to know that if the clown from Hydroxycut offer you studies to prove their food is safe and works that it is probably not first rate science.  I would not call reading a script saying that simply that a product "works," is intelligent analysis of data.  It takes hundreds of millions of dollars to get a new drug approved for market via the FDA, whatever Hydroxycut did I'm certain it was cheaper.  He exploited his doctor status and appeal for money, I don't know him, but, I doubt he did it because of an altruistic need to endorse something he really thought was helpful.  The real issue, is that the manufacture manipulated the public into thinking that some kid freshly minted from medical school is an authority on anything.  When I consider what drugs to prescribe, my influences are generally board certified physicians in a specialty pertaining to the disease I am treating.  I am very skeptical of advertising, the way marketing is used against people's judgement is at times insulting. 





"Seriosly ... How intelligent does ANY physician sound in a time of recall where they are guilty of prescribing the drug?"






You bring up an important point, you have to keep your patients trusting that you have both the knowledge, skill, and intention to do what it is best for them.  However, generally when drugs get recalled now, it is due to post-marketing surveillance that reveals harmful reactions that happen over a longer amount of time when prescribed to a larger group of people than done in FDA trials.  However, Jon Marshall was not endorsing a product that had been cleared by the FDA.  He was endorsing food.  If Hydroxycut was such a great idea, how come this relatively inexperienced physician was the only doctor on television endorsing it.  I didn't see Sanjay Gupta telling people to take it.  

Medicine is a profession and thus, it is important to protect the integrity of our profession.  Leave the endorsement of infomercial products to Chuck Norris, Susan Lucci, and Chef Tony. 

"Just asking .............."

Just saying......

Endorsement of The Week: Sweet Baby Ray's Barbeque Sauce

Described as "thick and sweet with a kick!" Sweet Baby Ray's barbeque sauce is my new favorite thing and McBrandon's Endorsement for the 22nd week of 2009.



I was first introduced to this mysterious playful new condiment while watching a video on how to stock refrigerators in order to impress women.  NSFW

The guy in the video, Chi City Mayne, suggests that if you have an assortment of drinks, it will open up your world to women.  There are two non-drink items that you must have in yourfridge though, the first being Sweet Baby Ray's, the second being, Ranch dressing. 

I had never heard of it before, but figured I would buy some anyways.  As always, everyone else already knew about it.  The next day I was at my friend's apartment frying up the Bass we caught last weekend.  Now this is the same friend who held out on me about the wonders of Mint.com 
So I wasn't surprised to see none other than SBR BBQ sauce in his fridge.  Jerk.

Then, yesterday, I am at a BBQ at my intern's house and this fool also has Sweet Baby Ray's, so I slathered it on my chicken breast and damn that stuff is good.  I'm gonna take some OK Joe's and Gate's sauce with me to Miami, but, I am definitely going to get some Sweet Baby Ray's when I get there. 

Even better, for you celiac disease sufferers, it's gluten-free too!

Anyways, I hope you and your mother, and everyone else already knows the glory of SBR sauce, if not, go and get some, tonight.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Top Five Books I've Read That Most of My Friends Have Not

The purpose of this post is to share what I consider to be, the five most influential books I have read over the past 10 years from the ages of 13-23.  These are books that I thought about a lot after reading.  Some of them have helped me understand money or influenced career decisions.  Other books fed a childhood interest in space travel, however, all of them were fun to read.  I read more than the average person, but I tend to binge read.  I might not read a book for six months, then read three in one week, so I'm pretty hard to please. 




One Up On Wall Street by Peter Lynch

I was a freshman in college the first time I read OUOWS.  I don't remember how I heard about the book but I remember borrowing it from the library at school. It was the week of spring finals and instead of studying for microbiology or chemistry, I would sit in class and read about buying  based on value rather than speculation. Perhaps I should read this book again.  If I had followed the advice of this book, I could almost be out of student debt right now.


e.g. When I was was a year one, Apple was making a huge comeback with the iPod.  Although iPod wasn't brand new, this was the year that the tipping point was reached where everyone I knew had one.  They were fun, useful, I wanted one, but, I didn't get on the bandwagon for another six months.  But any dummy could see that Apple had a great product that people wanted.  Stock quote for May 04 AAPL: $14.  Today, $125, but at one point it was above $198.  Or, for every $2000 invested, I could have paid for a year of school.  In retrospect, this was painfully obvious, but, if it were that easy, we'd all be millionaires.   

Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut
This book was given to me as a gift.  Vonnegut was my favorite author throughout high school.  I enjoyed his sarcastic, cynical, and critical view on war and technology.  His own life story is fairly interesting, he was in WWII and at the firebombing of Dresden.  This book is about a time traveling dog and his owner as they play jump rope with the space-time continuum.  An alien species present in his other books also play a role in the book.  The Tralmalfadorians have the capability to see all moments in time simultaneously and choose to live only the nice ones. I read SOT when I was in 11th grade, a particularly impressionable time in my life. 


When the Air Hits the Brain by Frank Vertosick, M.D.
This book was recommended to me by a friend, Bob.  He said that I should read the book if was going to consider neurosurgery as a career, so I read it my fourth year of school.  The book is a chronicle of the author's experience in Neurosurgery residency at the University of Pittsburgh.  Each chapter focuses on the story of a patient that helped him grow as a neurosurgeon.  The book is really about the rewards of neurosurgery.  He saves a man from paralysis in one chapter, watches a baby die from a brain tumor in another, and in the next, cures a woman of dementia.  There are some very poignant and dramatic examples of tragedy and victory in surgery.  The take away from the book is that the average neurosurgeon in training experiences a very treacherous path that is an immense privilege and extremely rewarding.

Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan
I read this book during the 8th grade, making it the book I read the youngest on the list.  His last book, written while undergoing cancer treatment, Billions and Billions combines Sagan's knack for bring astronomy and physics to the common man with the insight of someone close to death.  He talks about how massive the universe is.  How the number of grains of sand on Earth does not come close to the number of stars in the universe.  It's been a long time since I read this book, but, it is truly interesting and delves a lot more in politics than other books.  Cosmos, also by him is a great book to learn about the solar system.  I remember a teacher I had in 7th grade said, "If you consider yourself intellectual, you should read Sagan."  I tried it out and found one of my top 5 heroes. 


Typing entries on this netbook is frustrating, the keyboard is too small and it deletes whole passages with one keystroke.


Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
This book is about a telepathic gorilla who teaches humans about the natural evolution of civilization.  The rub is, humans are destroying the planet's ecological balance and we live a non-sustainable life that no other animal would ever part take in.  He mentions how humans used to live in harmony with the planet, but that we got greedy.  Humans were happier when they just walked around eating berries and shit all day and died random violent deaths by falling off of cliffs or getting eaten by lions.  Ishmael is interesting, I read it my first semester of college.  Everyone I know who has read it loves the book, but it definitely makes you question why you are bothering going to school or getting a job at all.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sneak Peak: My appearance on Inside the Actor's Studio

If you've ever watched Inside the Actor's Studio on Bravo, then you'll know how he asks the same standard questions to every guest.  Part of the interview includes questions from the Proust questionaire.  This is a throwback to Lipton's hero, some French dude named Bernard Pivot.  I'm always surprised at how much more I like actors after seeing them on the show.  My favorite all time guest is Dave Chappelle.    An invitation to the Actor's Studio is quite an accomplishment, thus, if called upon, I want to be prepared.  Here are my answers to the Proust questionaire.    

Q: What is your favorite word?
A:  Telekinesis

Q: What is your least favorite word? 
A:  Panties

Q: What turns you on?
A:  Speed

Q: What turns you off?
A:  Clutter

Q: What sound or noise do you hate?
A:  Alarm Clocks

Q:  What is your favorite curse word?
A:  F**king douchebag

Q:  What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
A:   Fighter pilot

Q:  What profession would you not like to do?
A:   Male Gigolo

Q:  If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
A:  "Wake up and come back in 30 years."

    Saturday, May 2, 2009

    Real Men Of Genius Presents: Jon Marshall D.O., posterboy of the liver killing hydroxycut

    TOOL BAG

    Hydroxycut is a product of Iovate Health Sciences Inc. of Oakville in Ontario, Canada, and distributed by Iovate Health Sciences USA Inc. of Blasdell, N.Y. Surprise that a death has been linked to the use of Hydroxycut. I'm going to bet that it wasn't the first, only the first where the connection was recognized. I think that as long as this product has been on the market, it never seemed prudent to use such a product. In reality, if any over the counter drug showed any actual safe efficacy, physicians would prescribe it. That's why aspirin, which costs pennies per pill is recommended by physicians to many patients over 40. If a cheap drug could make you skinny, they would prescribe that too. Unfortunately, there are too many people out there willing to flush their money and their health away on crap in a desperately lazy attempt to acheive success before work.

    Symptoms of liver injury include jaundice and brown urine, have been reported to the FDA. Other symptoms include nausea, vomiting, light-colored stools, excessive fatigue, weakness, stomach or abdominal pain, itching and loss of appetite. These are signs of liver injury that could lead to DEATH! 23 patients had severe injuries, some requiring liver transplantation. That said, most of the people who have taken the pills probably were ok. There are other drugs prescribed that are more dangerous. But if there is no benefit, no risk can be off set.

    Most heinous though, is the endorsement of Midwestern University College of Osteopathic Medicine Class of 2005 graduate, Jon Marshall, D.O. They used this guy in the commercials because he looks healthy and is a "doctor." The guy was a resident, barely out of school at the time but, simply graduating medical school doesn't qualify you to provide endorsements on medication. The manufacture is guilty on this one though exploiting the general publics ingnorance. Most people who took Hydroxycut probably weren't looking for a board certified expert on weight loss.

    I was just staring medical school when the commercials for Hydroxycut first took off, everyone in my school knew who Jon Marshall was. He's the guy who sold out his medical degree to make some cash endorsing a product that no sensible person would use. People might say its not fair to call him greedy, but he's in radiology residency, it's not like he's actually specializing in bariatric or sports medicine.

    Now that FDA is advising people that Hydroxycut is dangerous people should consider the appeal to authority used in these commercials. Of course, if you had asked me four years ago, I would have said, don't take that, ever heard of Phen-Phen?

    Friday, May 1, 2009

    Endorsement of the Week: Mint.com

    Sorry for the string of unfunny posts but between swine flu and the death of Pontiac, I haven't had a lot of comic inspiration.  

    I've never really been much of a trend setter it's still upsetting to find out that I've been missing out on something that everyone else is already enjoying.  So when I find something new that is useful or fun I'm going to share it here with the hopes at least one of you can benefit. A while back I wrote about The Week only to find out someone I talk to everyday was a closet reader.  Today, I started sharing with people how cool I thought Mint.com was, to find out another alleged friend had been holding out.  Ironically, anyone who knows this person would label him as financially irresponsible at best, he knows who he is.  I promise not to do that to you.  This week I'm giving a rose to Mint.com for being simple, free, and attractive personal finance tool.

    Given that in two months I'll start working, I've been concerned with money matters and establishing adult habits like budgeting, retirement planning, complaining about taxes, signing up for a health plan, and renting an apartment.  In about 10 minutes, I set up an account on Mint, including credit cards, savings, checking, investment, and student loans to find out that I in July I am worth more dead than alive. (Stafford loans are canceled if you die and my job pays 50k in life insurance for free)

    More importantly though, I was able to see with a simple pie chart where my money is coming and going from.  What would have required me to log into six different websites to see, I can view on one page at the same time.  There are two ways that Mint can make you money though.

    1.  You can set it up to warn you if suspicious activity is occurring.
    2.  It makes you mindful of your spending.
    3.  It will present you with offers for better interest rates and lower fees.

    Yes it is like Quicken and Money.  But, I tried Quicken, after 30 minutes I gave up, with Mint, after 10, I was a believer.

    This is a time of financial hypervigilance and self-consciousness.  If nothing else, it gives you something to do while Facebook loads.  And for iPhone owners, there is an app that sounds as slick as the site.  Mint.com

    And We're Back

    So after the fiasco with my computer last week I decided to buy a new laptop instead of buying a stolen used or pawned iBook on ebay, I guess it's not really a laptop. I got an ASUS 10.1" netbook. I also got a $15 hard drive enclosure to make my old HD into an external HD.

    Here are the specs if you are wondering.


    It was a tough decision and a controversial choice.


    My rationale:
    1. Now I have a portable Windows platform computer that I can keep even after I get a new Mac.
    2. $299
    3. The hard drive is 4x larger than my last laptop.
    4. I still plan to buy a new Mac with my education fund once I start residency.
    5. Billy said it was a good choice.

    Anyways, I bought some tools from www.ifixit.com
    Yesterday I disasemebled the old iBook. It was interesting to see how easily it all comes apart with a screwdriver. Pictures to follow, but now I have the old components listed on ebay.
    My ebay store

    Saturday, April 25, 2009

    R.I.P iBook 8/20/2005-4/25/2009

    My laptop died today.

    I went to Starbucks to write a new post for today. I was thinking about blogging that I dislike Mike Galanos from CNN because he oversimplifies everything in a way that would invoke a lot of agreement from the uninformed.

    I plugged in my computer, the fan spun, no boot chime. Unplugged, replugged, battery change, nothing. Went to the Apple store and they had one Genius Bar appointment left. It was DOA. The logicboard is the problem. Repair cost $799. I only paid $899 to start with. It was really on its last limb, but I was trying to make it till residency when I can use my education fund to buy a new Mac.

    I am going to take it apart and sell it for parts on eBay. They gave me the number of a funeral home that will help me extract the hard drive and give it an enclosure so that I can retrieve my data.

    My options
    1. Buy a new iBook $950 with student discount.
    2. Buy a cheap refurbished Windows PC laptop for <$500.
    3. Buy a new computer now, then try to get reimbursed for another one next year and then sell it.
    4. Online, I can buy a pre-owned refurbished iBook a notch below the one I currently have. $269. I am thinking at this point it is my cheapest choice and keeps me in the family. I can always upgrade later when I have a "book" fund.

    I am reluctant to leave the Mac family even temporarily. Not sure how I am going to get my iTunes sorted out. I am writing this from school, but, they blocked Facebook and Twitter, so expect my productivity to increase dramatically.

    I am fortunate that this is my only big problem in life at the moment.

    Thank you
    -McBrandon

    Tuesday, April 21, 2009

    Supreme Court To Decide If Schools Have The Right To Make Your Child Take Their Clothes Off

    Listen to the NPR story here. 
    Read at CNN


    "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."
                                                             4th amendment of the Bill of Rights


    The story is that Savana, a 13 year old girl in Arizona, was forced to strip down, bare naked, in front of two school administrators.  They found nothing.  They chose to search her because a student found with 400mg of Ibuprofen (two Advils) said she got them from Savana.   No parents were contacted, no permission given.  Surprisingly, she is suing the school district for their reckless and perverted invasion of her privacy.  The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals decided that her 4th amendment right not to be subjected to an unreasonable search had been violated and that the school was liable for damages.    The supreme court took interest and decided to hear arguments in the case of Safford v. Redding on April 21, 2009.  It sounds like the justices want to preserve a school's ability to "protect" students from the harm of drugs, even if this means invading their privacy.  Chief Justice John Roberts, according to news reports, was the least inclined to believe that strip searching students was unreasonable. 

    Let's Review:

    Last time I checked, when an adult forces a child to take their clothes off, that is called sexual abuse?

    If you want your enemies to get strip searched, just say that they are passing out drugs?

    In medicine, if you are going to exam a child, especially if it requires removing clothes, there is going to be a parent present.  But a school nurse and secretary are MORE trustworthy and qualified than physicians?


    I'm incensed.  I understand the opposition to my view is that, if she was passing out cyanide or meth or ecstasy tablets and chidren died, that would be horrible.  I'm pretty sure that drugs at school is not a new problem.  Why is it that after all these years, it's time to start strip searching kids? 

    Minors are being branded as sex offenders for taking pictures of themselves on their cell phones but, John Roberts thinks it's ok for school officals to make you take off your clothes in person?  That sounds like molestation to me.  The school district should be more concerned about allegations of impropriety.  That's true, but school metal detectors seem like a much more effective way to protect students, but most school aren't using them. 

    Perhaps kids would be safer if you taught them not to take pills they find at school.  I see the danger in students inappropriately using and possessing medications at school.  But I would much rather hear that kids were smoking marijuana in the bathroom at my child's school than that they were randomly strip searching to look for Advil.  Thinking back to my days in school, every school administrator I ever met needed to get a life.  They have a lot of responsibility on their hands but this is really weak. 


    Am I completely off?  What do you think?  

    Saturday, April 18, 2009

    Endorsement of the Week: The Week

    One Magazine Worth Subscribing To If You Really Need To Feel The Print Between Your Fingers

    What if you could get all the relevant news that you need to know, like how TARP is being spent or who is winning the Minnesota Senate race, from one source. Now add stories about entertainment, food, international news, finance, books, people, music, art, and real estate and you have, The Week. They have cut and pasted news and editorial from newspapers and magazines across the world into one place. In the words of the magazine, "The Week Distills The Best Of U.S. And Foreign Press Into 44 Pages." I know that news on the web is more practical but, I like to have a hard copy because I can't read my laptop while driving...




    I was first introduced to The Week about two years ago, I found it in the back seat of a friend's car while riding to a baseball game. He described it as Cliff's Notes for current events. Now I get ideas for the books I read (The Next Hundred Years by George Friedman) and the movies I watch (Adventureland) from The Week.

    The Week is very thin and readable, no article is more than two pages, most under a page. I subscribed about six months ago for $50 so that I could catch up on current events have dinner conversation fodder at interviews. My roommates got hooked on it too during their interviews. Beats the hell out of re-reading the same issue of Southwest's Spirit Magazine every weekend.

    When I think of all the other things I spend a dollar a week on, like Red Box, this is nothing. In fact, around the holidays they offer you can renew your subscription and get an extra subscription for a friend for only $1. Good thing my Dad doesn't read this because that's what I'm going to get him for Christmas next year.

    Sunday, April 12, 2009

    Top 10 Favorite Fictional Females

    So, this list is by no means definitive or final, yet. But, I think so far it represents a fairly decent cross section of the ideal woman. As hard as I tried, I had trouble finding women from literature, comic books, or music to include on the list. Thus, they are all television or movie characters. I'm sure that at some point I will have to revise the list, but, I'll tell you that no matter what, the first two will always remain in my top ten. Sorry blondies, the list is heavy on the brunettes.

    1. Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)




    2. Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie (JAG)





    3. Kirsten Cohen (The OC)




    4. Meadow Soprano (The Sopranos)




    5. Cheryl David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)





    6. Kelly Kapowski (Saved by the Bell)





    7. Bonnie Barstow (Knight Rider)






    8. Charlotte "Charlie" Blackwood (Top Gun)





    9. Lisa (Weird Science)




    10. Karen Filippelli (The Office)


    "Your ego is writing checks your body can't cash"

    Speaking of slow Amazon sales, I sold a $30 dollar book today. Never read it, probably paid $50 for it to begin with. But at least it covers the $15 I spent at Wal*mart on Saturday. I was in a particularly foul mood for numerous reasons. First, I need new eyeglasses, second, its almost impossible for me to get a to an optometrist during business hours. A few other things. But I felt better after finding












    Top Gun and Rain Man in the five dollar bin at Wal*mart.

    Just realized they are both Tom Cruise movies, but, both are personal favorites. Excellent movies, represent a quality that is underrated today. I'm watching Top Gun right now in fact. I wonder how many people went to the Naval Academy because of that movie, I guarantee, more than one. Re-watching it has helped me figure two things out. First, I'm bummed that Charlie isn't a real woman. Second, how much I enjoy going to airshows and seeing fighter jets fly in person. If you haven't done so, I highly recommend it. I saw the Thunderbirds twice since I've been in Kansas City and the Blue Angels once. Blue Angels are better but, be careful though. One time when I was 9 or 10, my Dad and I were planning on going to the airshow one Sunday but decided to go on Saturday instead. It was a good and fateful decision. I plane crashed into the tarmac at that same airshow the on Sunday. Nobody died except the pilot, but, its always better to not be near a plane crash.

    Rain Man is another great movie. Dustin Hoffman another of my favorite actors is in that movie too. A girl said I looked like a baby Dustin Hoffman once. Not sure if that is a compliment. Either way, Kmart sucks, Walmart is better.

    That gives me an idea for a future post.
    My top ten favorite fictional women.

    Wednesday, April 8, 2009

    A Few Things I Don't Like

    1. People at the post office who carry on conversations with the clerks after their business is done holding up a line that is going out the door.

    2. Opening "artists" at concerts who swish water in their mouth and spit it in the faces of the front row.

    3. Not having an Iphone.

    4. Text message drama

    5. Two words: Ed Hardy

    Friday, March 6, 2009

    Celebrities Are People Too Thus They Can Be DUMB!

    So Chris Brown and Rhianna are apparently together. I'm watching Showbiz Tonight on Headline News and they are listening to viewer voicemails. My favorite message is one from a woman who thinks that Chris Brown should be given a second chance because he is young. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. That's like saying that Michael Jackson should be allowed to have play dates with the kids that accused him of child molestation. They are both adults and I suppose if Rhianna wants to get back with Chris Brown that's fine, she is free to make her own mistakes. Maybe this alleged abuse never occurred.

    My take, best case scenario this is mostly a publicity stunt.
    More likely, if something went down, Rhianna wants to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. This is so classic, an Ipod Touch and diamond bracelet for her birthday the week after the alleged abuse. An abuser would do that. Now they can get along great for a while, until Nick Cannon starts sending mysterious text messages, the tension builds, and Rhianna gets a Timbaland Boot to her grill. Domestic violence is bullshit, any broad that gets beat by her knucklehead partner ought not take him back. Easier said than done, but, its mental sickness that causes this. I know Rhianna isn't trapped at home or financially isolated, with kids at home, scared that they will all die if she leaves him. Taking an abuser back when you are a celebrity sends a clear message: "It's cool to beat women." I don't want my baby sister listening to, watching, or looking up to anyone who does that crap.

    CB still has his day in court to come. Hopefully he doesn't go OJ style. But if the allegations are true this is just another example of how dumb America has become. I'm moving to New Zealand.

    Don't forget to sign your petitions against a made-over teenage version of Dora the Explorer, just kidding, worry about something really important like Daylight Savings Time and the sleep you are going to lose.

    Wednesday, March 4, 2009

    Finally, Some Real Justice

    This is the best story I have read in a long time, right here. This is the story of a dirty bastard who got exactly what he deserved. The man who was on trial for allegedly stabbing his girlfriend to death, decided, perhaps, with deliberate intent given the predictable outcome, to attack the judge at his trial. The judge, also a lady, I'm sensing a C. Brownish pattern of violence against women here. The scumbag was on the stand when his mother became upset and left the courtroom. In response, the judge dismissed the jury to recess at which point the scumbag, a.k.a David Paradiso, jumped behind her and starting punching her. This is the best part...

    ...then, the courtroom security officers pulled out their handguns and shot the bastard three times, killing him, in a glorious and heroic exercise of justice.



    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!














    This will save the state of California $34,000 per year for each year that he would have been in prison. With this recession and the California budget shortfall, that's perhaps 20-30 starting teacher's salaries that can now be paid rather than wasted on this dung beetle.

    This Person Should Be Excluded From The Stimulus Money


    "This is an emergency, if I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one, this is an emergency!"







    This person was arrested for misusing 911. This is a serious crime. Operators for 911 should be spending their time moderating actual emergencies but, sadly, the majority of 911 calls are for non-emergent matters. I saw on TV the story of one woman who called 911 so that the firefighters would take out her trash. These stories sound isolated, but our 911 system is
    overburdened with this crap. People complain we need new improved 911 servies or we need more money. No, we don't. What we need, is to cut the bullshit. If this woman and every person who abused 911 was executed in public. The number of frivalous calls would drop and the system would begin to work in a timely way again. Your cat will get out of the tree on its own.

    What really grinds my gears about this is that, this person who called over a dispute at McDonalds is a liability to society and has a negative value. We stand only to lose by having her alive. The fact that she is arrested over this means more money down the drain. If an actual emergency happened such as a drive by shooting at her place, we all would have been better off.
    Think about that the next time you vote to increase your tax liability to support her and the mess she creates.

    Sunday, March 1, 2009

    With Great Mustache Comes Great Responsibility

    One of my recent posts discussed my intention to maintain continuous facial hair growth until the day of the residency match on 3/19/09. This was to the dismay and chagrin of everyone in my life. Except my roommate. He loved it, I think because it made him feel better about himself. The longest he has ever went without shaving, and only because he was camping or some shit, was three days. When people who allegedly love you start throwing out words like "terrible," "horrible," and "disgusting" in reference to your face, its time to push a little bit harder and then stop. Mostly I was only doing this to agitate and shock my friends. For the first time in months I felt like I was accomplishing something every time I looked in the mirror and saw my beard. This has been the longest and most concerted effort on my part to grow facial hair. Its just so darn itchy that I never make it past 5 days. This time I made it...

    ...to 10 days, then tonight, I converted the goatee to a mustache.

    I thought I looked like Marc Spitz. Roommate said I looked like Luigi with a pornstache.Another friend says Super Mario and she refused to look at me citing, "I don't like Tom Selleck." Later she modified that to say I looked like Ned Flanders. Okily dokily. I pictured text'd my 16 year-old brother a picture of the stache, he replied "Plz sir dont rape me."

    It looked bad. I thought it was like bad that means good, like in the 90s. Everyone else thought it was bad like Chris Brown beating the crap out of Rhianna. I waited for the those girls with facial hair fetishes to declare themselves but, that didn't happen. I thought it made me look more intimidating and would command more respect but, I was assured that was not true either. Amazingly, on adult swim tonight, they played an episode of Family Guy where Peter grows a mustache and develops a strong sense of confidence and a deep loyalty to the mustache wearing community.

    So before crawling into bed, I shaved the stache. But first I left the middle part over my philtrum a la Hitler and sent that picture to my Jewish roommate. Then I drug the razor over the last of it.

    It is finished.

    Pictures to follow.
    Maybe I'll try again next week.

    Saturday, February 28, 2009

    More People Are Going To Hell

    I am unable to refresh CNN dot com without finding another article that showcases the expanding potential of people to be stupid. The latest is the involves the case of a kids show host in the UK on the BBC run CBeebies network with a "disability." The woman, Cerrie Burnell, is actually beautiful and charming like virtually all female television personalities (exception Ina Garten), she just happens to have been born without her right arm past the elbow. Twenty-five a$$holes have lodged "official" complaints with the BBC because her malformation is scaring their children. They are all offically going to hell.

    Apparently she is also a hot topic on internet chat rooms as well. By the way, it must be a european thing because I thought chatrooms went the way of AOL and dial-up internet. Now that everyone you know is online there is no need to talk to strangers unless you are trying to hookup with swinger couples.

    Whatever happened to the days when it was a requirement to have a token handicapped person on the shows. Like Sesame Street always had a kid in a wheelchair. Like those old school 70s wheelchairs that old people use in hospitals but no paraplegic actually uses. Since when did this backlash against minorities and underdogs. It used to be requisite to champion, defend, and showcase an image of acceptance and celebration. Now one real dickhead "lamented" in a chat room that the show "forced him to have conversations with his child about disabilities." Boohoo. What a loser. Your kids better grow up fast because life is a lot harder than that. Given the current economic meltdown, climate change, ecological disaster, and population explosion, your kids are going to be lucky if they aren't being spit on by Mandarin and Hindi speaking kids that studied harder while they mop up the bathroom at Panda Express.

    Be Glad She Isn't Your Mother

    Another nominee for worst mother of the year, to compete with the likes of Nadya Suleman a.k.a. "Octo-mom" and Casey Anthony, has come into the national spotlight. Courtesy of CNN, I learned of my new least favorite person, Genine Compton. If only she could rub a lamp and wish for common sense. This woman was arrested for breast feeding her child while driving and talking on a cell phone. The baby is actually old enough to run around from the looks of the video of her on the local news site. The police cited her for child endangerment and violating the child safety restraint law. They also noted they were concerned that the child if in a crash, is not only without a seatbelt, but also that if the airbag deployed in a crash, it would hit the child at 200mph. In response, the women noted that, if she were in an accident wearing a seatbelt, she would be subjected to the same risk of the airbag as her child lying on the steering wheel.

    Really. What a f*#@*#g dummy. Yeah, I'm sure an adult wearing a seatbelt is going to be hurt by an airbag the same way as an unrestrained baby. Don't you watch TV bitch. Even the commercials for McDonalds used to end with Ronald McDonald saying, "Remember, kids in the backseat!"

    Her response was, "I'm not going to let my child go hungry." WTF, feed the baby before you leave the house. The kid is old enough to walk, they can wait till you get home. Ever heard of a bottle or breast pump. Or how about this, if your child can run, they can be weaned.

    I hope she goes to jail for the 180 days and pays $1,800 fine that come with child endangerment in Ohio.


    I feel bad for her kids. Not only are their lives in imminent danger but, they also have this woman's genetics factoring in their intellect. My mom says the baby's intelligence is determined by the mother. The chance that they will develop common sense in life, 0%. This person is allowed to vote and participate in democracy. Remember the next time the federal government takes 35% and the state takes 9%, that you spent 44% of every dollar you earn to provide for people like this and Octo-mom.

    Thursday, February 26, 2009

    No Shave November Must Suck

    Anyways, in anticipation of my potential match on March 19th, the time when I discover the location of my specialty training, I quit shaving. Because of the need to maintain a professional appearance, I shave no less than every 2nd or 3rd day. This month has been different, I only have to be in clinic on Fridays. Thus, I quit shaving after last Friday, the day that I also certified my rank order list for residency. Facial hair is sexy. Like tans. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. Asian girls seem to disagree, but, I waited all week for the beard lovers to come out of the woodwork. Never happened. I was itching like madness. I recruited three other non-beard growers into the no shave proposition. Today was an itchy day though. I could not stand it anymore. I shaved the beard leaving the stache and goatee though. For now, I am relieved enough that I might keep up until match. Hopefully I notice things change like strangers flirting with me more, or people offering me jobs on the street. More likely I will be accused of looking "mean," and women will guide their children to the opposite side of the street when I walk down the sidewalk.

    Tuesday, February 24, 2009

    Geometry 101: or How I Pissed Off The Waitress at a Pizza Place


    So I was visiting the newly opened branch of the local upscale chain, Spin! Neapolitan Pizza. I am very picky about pizza restaurants. This stems from the undeniable truth that the best pizza in the world costs about 2-3 bucks a slice on any given corner in New York. The attempts to recreate authentic Italian pizza or to invent novel gourmet flavor combos, albeit tasty, are usually not superior experiences to the average corner NYC slice. If I am going to pay 10 or 20 dollars for something fancy, it should follow the axiom, you get what you pay for. That's why when you walk into a crappy pizza by the slice joint where you have to eat your pizza standing, you are paying for flavor, not leather booths. At Spin! what I didn't get was the truth.
    This is where the math gets really hectic. The waitress told our group, two people could split a 12" pizza, but that it would probably not fill us up and that we should probably order side salads. Also, she said it was financially favorable to each get 6" individual pizza and salad combos rather than split 12" pizzas and buy the salad on the side. She said, you get the same amount of pizza and it costs a dollar less per person. She said a mouthful.

    I told her, "I'm not good at math, but I'm pretty sure if you double the diameter of a circle, the area increases by 4 times, not 2."
    Here comes the deer in the headlights, "6 inches is half of 12 inches."
    "I might have to double check at home with cardboard cutouts, but that's unfortunately too simple to be true."

    My friends are dying of embarrassment. We settle on the 6" pizza salad combos and I stew while we wait at our plush leather booth for our 8 dollar 28 sq inch pizzas. Had we ordered the 12" we could have split 113 sq inches giving each of us roughly 56 sq inches of pizza a piece. Granted, a side salad was 4.50 and a 12" pizza was 10.50. The combo we got was 8.95 a person. For two people we were paying about 18 bucks. If we went my way and bought the 12" pizza it would have cost $9 for two side salads plus 10.50 for the pizza or $19.50. A full 150 pennies, or 75 cents per person to double are pizza consumption. That said, do I need that much pizza, no, but everyone was starving at the end.

    19.50 versus 18
    113 sq inches vs 56 sq inches of pizza
    2 salads vs 2 salads

    But remember, if we had gotten twice as much pizza, we probably could have skipped the salad and still been more full. So the more realistic comparison is

    10.50 versus 18
    113 sq inches vs 56 sq inches of pizza
    0 salads vs 2 salads

    I'm pretty sure that 10.50 for more pizza is > 18 bucks for half as much pizza. Nice effort on the sales part, but at least know the hustle you are trying to run. Financially favorable? Please. I am never going back to Spin! Pizza. Next time if I want to get ripped off I'll go to dennys.

    Note
    Area of a circle equals 3.14 X radius X radius

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009

    Life Imitating Film: Case Study of "He's Just Not That Into You"


    So this Valentine's day weekend I went to see the recently released, "He's Just Not That Into You," based on the book by that funny looking guy with the blond hair that had a really shitty daytime talk show named Greg. I was hoping that I would enjoy seeing these women embarrass themselves in the fictional world of late 20s single-dom. Aside this movie is truly something novel to me (in Kansas City there is no such thing as being over 22 and single, everyone has to get married by law I think, because I don't know any singles older than I am.) Anyways, it seemed implausible that women could be as lame as the main character in the movie. There are truly embarrassing moments during which I pulled my fleece over my head to hide. If you've seen it you know what I mean. And then, I met someone who struck me like she could be that awkward.

    Yesterday I went to Starbucks for a "medium coffee," my usual, and decided to chat with the barista while my receipt was printing. They recently extended their hours from 10 to midnight, which, in this era of Starbucks closures, state employee furloughs, and business hour cutbucks, struck me as odd. So I asked...

    "How are the new late hours going?"
    "Oh great, I close, so I get to clean the parking lot...and more hours for me."
    "I see, I guess, are people coming in that late, they just closed another store less than a mile from here."
    "Oh yeah, we're a high traffic store I guess. I'm sorry we have to brew a new batch so your coffee will be a while."

    I found a table, opened my laptop, made a snazzy playlist that included TI + JT's Dead and Gone. Open a book and then I'm startled.

    "Oh my God I am so SORRY!"
    "Why?"
    "Your coffee took so long!"
    "I kinda expected it since you told me you had to brew a new batch."
    "Yeah but that was like really long, what's your name, my name is *bleep*, do you want a pastry, I can give you a card to get something free next time, would you like something else, how about if you come in again anytime I can give you something free."
    "It's ok, thank you for bringing the coffee to my table though."

    She was totally flustered. Very nice but, truly, she came off very crazy. Imagine if this had been us out at a club. Cute girl, but she was embarrassing me. just like the movie.

    Saturday, February 14, 2009

    February 14th: Greeting Card Conspiracy?













    Today, Valentine's today, is a day loaded with a myriad of connotations, most of which, are negative. Single awareness day, give Hallmark money day, buy chocolates to make your girlfriend fatter, the list goes on. So there are clearly the camp of people who feel that Valentine's Day is merely a commercial scam. There are purist wimps who say that you should not need an arbitrary holiday to be romantic. There are the real saps who say everyday is Valentine's Day. There are the pathologically single who desperately crave a significant other that suffer a self-esteem blow each year that they spend V-day alone. Then there are the unoriginal women who are happy to have a one day that their boyfriends/husbands are guaranteed to buy them flowers, Vermont Teddy Bears, and Godiva chocolates. There's always the cliche dicks that propose and shit like that today as well. I even know someone getting married today. So clearly, only women, and a minority of women at that, are actually enjoying Valentine's Day like kids enjoy Christmas. But the fact that Valentine's Day magnifies the romantic insecurity in so many, is where the real opportunist steps up to the plate. First, because of Valentine's Day, there is only one day of the year that you are at least expected to attempt romance with your girlfriend. That leaves you off the hook 364 days a year. Any additional romance is purely bonus. Additionally, if a dude gets romantic on any random day, risks looking whipped, he also makes his shows up his bros in front of their girls. Clearly unacceptable. Thus, not hallmark, but dudes, truly profit, by having one coordinated day, that you can get away with being romantic and still fit in. Sure, you could go the extra mile and send flowers on Flag Day, but like Barney Stinson says, "What's the point? That's like changing the oil in a rental car."
    There is another unsung group of Valentine's Day profiteers: the single guy. Not only can a single guy get away with not spending any money on fancy dining, wine, flowers, chocolates, diamonds, or lap dogs but, he also can hit the bars and exploit the fact that the single ladies will be particularly self-conscious about not having a Valentine. The threshold for picking up girls on this night, theoretically should be much lower because of the bride's maid effect observed at weddings. When women are in proximity to a higher than normal level of relationship romantic innuendo, they are in turn more receptive to new people. I know that some people won't agree with what I have said, but the truth is, truth does not require you to believe in it for it to be truth. Women may deny that any of this is true, but I can assure you, people get too much credit sometimes.

    Tuesday, February 10, 2009

    Octo-Mom

    The Huffington Post, arguably the web's most successful blog, has blogged about Nadya Suleman, the woman who recently gave birth to 8 babies, thus, so will I.

    First, dogs have litters of eight puppies.
    Second, whatever fertility "doctor" that implants 8 embryos into a single woman who is unemployed with six kids is a greedy douche.
    Third, deep down in the bottom of my heart, I feel so bad for this woman and her children. That is because I am certain that she must have either a lobster or slow growing tumor inside her brain that has rendered her insane. I am not kidding.
    Fourth, I hope she is smart enough to reject the melamine tainted baby formula should China be generous enough to donate. Not getting my hopes up.

    Here is a link to the interview with Ann Curry (my favorite broadcast journalist after Robin Meade). Something about her just looks like shes not all there. I really think she should have a CT scan of her head.

    Friday, February 6, 2009

    My Favorite T.V. Theme Songs

    The other night, my friend triple H and I were cruising around Westwood and the topic of television theme songs came up. I mentioned that LA Law was of the best tv themes ever, I assumed since she is in law school that she would agree. I was wrong. Apparently I am too young to have watched LA Law, but I will say, that saxophone solo was pretty frickin' sweet. These are my favorite television themes, all are great shows, not surprisingly, television themes really peaked in the 80s and early 90s.

    1. Growing Pains

    2. L.A. Law

    3. Doogie Howser, M.D.

    4. M*A*S*H

    5. Alvin & the Chipmunks

    6. Law & Order

    7. Miami Vice

    8. E.R.

    9. Knight Rider

    10. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

    "Television! Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover!" - Homer Simpson

    Thursday, February 5, 2009

    My Favorite Burgers


    Whenever I am back at home in California, there are two food pilgrimages that I make: In-n-Out & Del Taco. The funny thing is In-n-Out is so popular that whenever I meet anyone who isn't from CA but has visited they always ask me if I miss In-n-Out. The truth is, I only miss it, once I'm back and I am actually devouring a double double with fries. Only in the past two years have I graduated to ordering my burgers animal style (mustard, pickles, grilled onions). So without further ado, this is the list of the best burgers I've ever had. Taste, presentation, and overall emotional satisfaction plays into rankings, which is why toxic white castle slides in at number 8.


    3am, the morning of Black Friday on the way to Best Buy, St. Louis, MO after a fierce beer pong tournament

    White Castle Girl: And to drink?
    Me: I'll have an orange lamburst please.
    WCG: Excuse me.
    Me: You know, orange LAMBURST
    WCG: We don't carry that would you like a coke?
    Me: No, orange lamburst, the damn orange Hi-C.
    Steven: Brandon relax, that's orange lavaburst.
    Me: Oh, from this angle, nevermind.


    1. Blanc Kobe Burger (KC) http://www.blancburgers.com/
    2. Chefburger's The Widowmaker(KC) Chef Burger
    3. The Brick Burger (KC)
    4. Shake Shack (NYC) http://www.shakeshack.com/
    5. In-n-Out Doube Double (CA) http://www.in-n-out.com/
    6. Culver's Butter Burger (KC) http://www.culvers.com/
    7. Tommy's Chiliburger (CA)
    8. White Castle Sliders http://www.whitecastle.com/
    9. Winstead's Triple Steak Burger (KC) http://www.winsteadskc.com/history.php
    10. Paddy O'Quigley's (Overland Park, KS) http://www.oquigleys.com/

    Tuesday, February 3, 2009

    Barney Stinson, You're My Hero

    This has been a legendary couple of months for me. Mostly because I've adapted to living outside of my comfort zone. It started back in October with casually acknowledging strangers, exanded in November to holding actual conversations with random cuties, and blew up in 2009. Anyways, last night was Monday night, I met up with an old friend, Tim, we caught up and he told me he had a blog, which I fully expect him to link mine in. That reminded me that I also had a blog, but ever since I bounced from Florida to Phoenix back to California, I haven't had anything awe inspring to write about. I mean I suppose I could have written about the Super Bowl but I think that has been done. Everyone is disapointed for the Cardinals and Kurt Warner, yes they are 2nd only to the Cubs as the professional sports franchise with the longest championship draught but, then I remember how they make more money PLAYING football then I will ever see, and then I don't feel sorry for them anymore. Besides, I was just in Phoenix and the town didn't seem to give a fuck. Pittsburgh is another story, the Steeler's fans, those mofos were setting cars on fire after they won, imagine how many people would have died if they had lost.
    I can write about Tim anytime, but Monday nights at 830ET/730CT on CBS is when How I Met Your Mother comes on. I've been religously watching the show a little over a year now thanks to my buddy Kevin. This show is so singularly meaningful that I have almost nothing in common with anyone who doesn't also watch. I usually only get this passionate about movies, in fact, there is no other show I watch on tv (I'm not counting re-runs of Family Guy on adult swim). HIMYM is in its fourth season. It is as far as I can tell, the 21st century version of Friends. It is about a group of yuppie friends, two of whom are married to each other (Chandler/Monica = Marshall/Lily), one of which bangs a lot of chicks (Joey = Barney) that have palacial apartments in New York City. The premise of the show is that, the main character Ted recounting to his teenage children, tales about him and his friends from the time when he was 26 until he meets their mother, a yet to be determined date later. Initially, I only agreed to watch the show because it co-stars, Neil Patrick Harris a.k.a. Doogie Howser, M.D., my first role model. However, it is easy to become quickly enamoured with the lives of all the characters. Cleverly written, the show frequently exploits flashbacks to tie apparently insignificant details from one episode to another.
    The show is a gem, it gives me faith that the sitcom is not dead, that respectable television still exists amongst the sewage of Survivor and I Love New York 2. A proud owner of the first three seasons on DVD, I have done everything I can to convert all of my acquaintances into HIMYM fanatics. I know at least one if not the only person reading this blog is a fan. Tonights episode was average but, it beats the shit out of American Idol.

    So what was your favorite Super Bowl spot?
    Mine was a tossup between Conan doing the commercials for Finland and the Doritos guy throwing a snowglobe at his boss' nards.

    Sunday, January 25, 2009

    Live From New York: Part 2 of 3


















    So my first night in New York I took a cab to the interview dinner at Old Homestead’s. Cabs in New York have a TV in the back that always starts with a clip of Regis and Kelly talking about how fun cabs are to ride now that you can watch a TV that gives you the weather and news. Talk about acting, I don’t think Regis has taken a cab since before I was born. Anyways, dinner was superb. Everyone had Caesar salad, calamari, filet minion, chocolate cake, and overflowing glasses of wine. We spent 3.5 hours eating and drinking before we migrated to a bar in the meat packing district. In contrast to Miami, ladies were not a plenty. What I learned though, was that there are people everywhere and getting around is extremely convenient.
    I got back to my hotel around 1am and decided that, although I had more than enough to eat at 7pm, that it was time to see if the city truly never sleeps. I got dressed again, went outside, and within a block of my hotel were a couple of girls that may have been out, or may have been working, wasn’t sure. But all the pizza and sandwich places I walked by earlier were closed. I made a call on my cell phone to an intermediate New York visitor who suggested I could possibly get mugged. I managed to find a deli next door to my hotel and got a bagel with lox, and cream cheese. So I guess that not every shop or street is bumping 24/7 in NYC, but, if you know where to go you can get almost anything. Still won’t ride the subway until part three. I have no idea what to say tomorrow when lifelong New Yorkers ask me how I like Kansas City. Thankfully, they don’t judge, I tell them it’s ok, but, they know they should only take my word for it. Never vacation in Missouri.
    I woke up at 4am, completely dehydrated, the tap water here looks like watered down milk, so I do the unthinkable and grab a $7 bottle of water from the mini-bar, but it so was worth it. I haven't been disappointed or scared or accosted yet, but it is coming.

    Saturday, January 24, 2009

    Live From New York: Part One


    Ever have a couple of days that blur together in a good way. When I got on the Long Island Rail Road two days ago I was still 50 miles away from Manhattan but, I instantly experienced an information overload. First newbie mistake, purchased an off peak ticket during peak hours, paid with a crisp twenty, and the freaking machine gave me back ten quarters. A homeless man walks up and asks for a $1.25 to catch the bus, I reach in my pocket and hand him approximately eight quarters, or so I thought until, when I pulled out my ticket and realized that I had received gold dollar coins, not quarters from the machine. Sensing a Karma refund during this trip. Of course, by this point, I can see the train pulling up to the station and I have to frantically bags and all purchase a new ticket from the kiosk, but I make it.
    The girls on the train were very Staten Island, at least, according to what I’ve seen MTV’s True Life: I’m From Staten Island. They were very tan, had obnoxious nasal accents, wore too much make up, were dressed to impress, and somehow it was all very alluring. For the first time in months, I listened to my iPod without skipping songs, I just let the soundtrack happen, I found some of it very fitting for the occasion.

    Ben Folds – Learn to Live With What You Are
    Wings – Maybe I’m Amazed
    Sloan – Everything You Are
    Spoon - Everything Hits at Once
    Alice in Chains – I Am Inside
    Notorious BIG – Juicy
    Prince – When Doves Cry

    I should back up, I have never been to NYC until now. Growing up in LA, I had the west coast attitude that NYC was just a more dangerous, cold, crowded, expensive version of Los Angeles without cars, and yes it is scary, cold, congested, hella expensive, and the majority of cars seem to be taxis. In LA though, I could never land at an airport 50 miles from downtown, and in 70 minutes be there for only ten bucks.
    Climbing the stairs out of the subway, I felt dwarfed by the buildings, only when I looked straight up could I see the sky. I schlepped my bags from Penn Station to my hotel five blocks away and on the way walked by no fewer than 8 Sbarro’s, 2 H & M’s, 2 Footlockers, 15 ATMs, and 1 Empire State Building. It was 25 degrees outside, but I never felt cold, the adrenaline from jumping into the current of people hoping I was walking the right direction for 20 minutes kept me warm. I already know, that I going to need to come back. It’s overwhelming, I’ve only been in Manhattan five minutes, and I’m already running late 23 years.

    Wednesday, January 21, 2009

    Progress


    Well, it has been almost three weeks since I started writing in the blog again. I set some goals for myself back then of things I wanted to achieve before I start work. I think the part that has made the most progress is on the making new friends. I had a great time in Miami with my potential future co-workers. The scene is very different than in Kansas City. In KC I am always distracted by the extreme douchebagery in this town. In Miami, a car drives up and six hot ladies get out. In Kansas City, any hot girl is always accompanied by her boyfriend who is wearing a baseball hat. Every bar has 5 guys for every girl. At the "hot spots" they let fat chicks dance on the tables. In Miami there is no shortage of girls. If you are hungry late at night in KC you go to McDonalds, if you are hungry late at night in South Beach you go where ever you want, Sushi, Gyro, Pizza, Sandwiches, anything, open till 6am. As for building a new wardrobe, I bought one new shirt, its nice, but I think I'm going to need a paycheck to really reach that goal. As for going to NYC, I have a plane ticket to New York tomorrow for my interview on Friday. I am only staying an extra day and coming back Saturday evening since I have another interview in Florida I have to go to on Sunday. At least now I can say I was there even if I don't get to see all that it has to offer. I hope I don't get mugged.
    I met some residents and applicants who had been skydiving, I never thought I would consider it, but for some reason I feel like I am missing out. This is clearly a time for change. Interviews are almost over, it has been fun, but, I am so sick of airports. People are incredibly rude and when they are at the airport, it becomes magnified. Like the two women sitting next to me on the plane who began singing like they were playing rock band or something. Or the guy who waws having a conversation with his daughter, that was sitting seven rows in front of us. Or the guy who was having a conversation on his cell phone when the flight attendants already told him to put his phone in the off position. What about the guy who was yelling at people entering the security line because they were walking faster than him to the line entrance. How about the fat man I sat next to who refused to put down the arm rest in between us. And that douche in the pink shirt wearing sunglasses with a backpack that snapped at the flight attendant when she told him he would have to store his backpack in the overhead bin. Turn off your freaking phones people, shut your mouths, and take a nap.